There is nothing wrong with wanting to rip your spouse’s clothing off on a whim (it might definitely make for a hot relationship), but whether or not there’s a deeper love will determine the loyalty level. Knowing the difference between love and lust will help you understand romantically involved you envision being with your companion to get the long run. And, what is more, it is going to give you a good idea of how they effect you and just how to feel on your own spouse, seeing weaknesses.

As a licensed wellness coach , I work with people on feeling fulfilled with their relationships, regardless of what that actually stands for. In some cases, individuals are only after lust, or rather an intimate (frequently mostly physical) relationship that is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Think: You can’t keep your hands off each other when. But , usually there’s less of a connection beyond the physical (you’re sort of dating the body, rather than the person inside it). Since there’s understanding and an affection there, contrarily, a relationship will have a significance. Regardless of what Love vs Lust searching for, both can be quite satisfying the long-term outcome will fluctuate. Here are 9 ways to tell the difference between lust and love in a relationship.

You’ve got Meaningful Conversation

Based on Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and also a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, above email with Bustle, if you are finding a deeper level of communication, there is likely a love there. “When there is depth to the relationship, beyond just physical attraction, that is a good indication that there is love. You have the ability to have meaningful conversations, discuss your dreams for your own relationship, learn about each other’s interests and family history,” Rabbi Slatkin explains.

You are Excited By Them Only Sexually

“Should you end up romantically and sexually excited by them, but have no interest in the mental and other non-sexual aspects of the relationship, then it likely is just lust,” says David Bennett, a licensed counselor and dating pro to Bustle.

You are Still Invested In Them Despite Bad Sex

If you are suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your spouse, or you don’t enjoy his or her personality in bed, but you still wish to remain together for a ton of different reasons, it is likely because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a relationship that’s deeper than just sexual appeal, and is emotional and even intellectual, and continues even when you may be trying hard to connect sexually with your partner,” says Bennett.


“Lust is typically compound, primal and strongly physical. It usually involves idealization and dream about the individual,” states Stacy Kaiser, Live Joyful Editor At Large and certified psychotherapist, to Bustle. my sources will be calmer and quieter. It requires more time to grow and feels more like an emotional and psychological bond than a chemical or physical one,” Kaiser adds.

You are Obsessive

“Lust and the first phases of a relationship involve the addiction center of the brain, which is fed from the hormones that surge through you every time you visit or think about the object of the dreams,” says Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you’re always looking for a ‘fix’ of the partner then you’re most likely still in the lust phase. If you’re able to go a while with no contact and are not continually considering them then you’ve moved into the attachment or love phase,” Archard explains.

You Feel Grounded Around Them

“Love is profound grounded feeling. helpful resources is layered. You take the entire package when you love somebody. You want to get to know them. Generally speaking, you will be interested in peeling back these layers.

You’re Doing “Couple” Matters

“From the time enjoy happens, couples are generally moving in together, purchasing a home, moving up the career ladder, and thinking of kids. They have much more pressure happening in their lifetime, which helps to eliminate (or slow down) lust,” describes Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You’re Focused On Getting Everything You Need

Following is a key difference: Lust is all about getting what you want (perhaps some hot sex ?) , while love is more about enduring the relationship and giving on a partner, explains Brian Taylor, relationship & Author coach, to Bustle. Think about it’ll help determine whether you’re feeling love or lust and where your mind is.

You Don’t Feel Safe To Open Up

“If you feel safe to talk about your feelings in your relationship, and you also feel accepted despite your weaknesses, it is likely love. If you feel you can not or do not want to share your feelings and be mentally vulnerable in your relationship, it’s likely lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Dating Center of Silicon Valley, says over email with Bustle.

If you discover any of these gaps popping up on your relationship, then you’ll definitely get a few signals to understand the difference. That is good, when it’s aligned with what you need. Otherwise, it’s time to re-evaluate.